Motherhood arrived on a beautiful spring morning in May. I was so giddy about it the midwife told me later that I was laughing when I called in to tell her my water broke.
P was here. A sweet little bundle of perfection that I had grown in my belly and with the help of medical science, and a very skilled surgeon, was able to get out of my body with relative safety. I was a mommy!
At five days old this happened: "Look at her fingers! Do you think she'll play the piano when she is older?"
WHAT? OLDER? We just waited 9 months for her to arrive and now you want her to grow up!
I was relishing every single second of this baby. Every feeding, every spit up, every bath time, every meconium filled diaper, every cry, every involuntary shiver....EVERYTHING AT THIS MOMENT! I am not thinking ahead to tomorrow let alone 10 years from now! SHUT UP!
At eight weeks: I had been subject to an impromptu baby welcoming party. Which included a lot of nonsensical chit chat and unwarranted parenting advice that always began with "don't do this...." or "you're doing this wrong...." (I have recently seen a onesie with "my mom doesn't need your advice" printed on it. A brilliant idea.)
It was difficult to smile through the party with the mix of sleep deprivation, engorgement and a crying baby that every woman needed to pass around but not to me.
Then the topic turned to "What do you want her to be when she grows up?"
I DON'T WANT HER TO GROW UP! NOT TODAY! She was just out of her newborn clothes by this time. I was sad by this growth spurt and sad that I already had to put away part of her wardrobe.
But what odd phrasing: "What do I WANT her to be?" I want her to be happy, healthy, and always smile, be confident, and adventuresome, truthful and knowledgeable. Always know that I am her mom and I am going to love her no matter what. She doesn't have to prove anything to me as I love her without conditions.
How do you say that to someone expecting an answer as generic as a doctor, a lawyer, or a whatever profession is the most high paying....
She will grow up but NOT TODAY!
Now she is almost 7. Independent, wild haired child with a big smile full of teeth vying for space. Who greets every morning with a "Look out world! I'm ready for the day!" She wears stripes, plaid, and polka dots in one outfit. She draws and writes story books. She excels at being almost 7. She is the best almost 7 year old ever! She is perfect.
I am still enjoying every single second of this child. Everything at this moment.
She will grow up but not today.